Late that night, after a wonderful day and evening, I called my sis and shared how hard it was to be alone.
She reminded me that joy and sorrow are meant to be lived together. I didn't have to pick one OR the other.
I was feeling guilty about not just being content in my circumstances and so she reminded me of the freedom I had to tell the Lord how hard it was to be alone in that moment.
Singleness in my late twenties is one of my favourite things.
One of my least favourite things is when someone tells me to live my single days well. I can always tell that that person does not know me well, because I love these days. I have no desire to stand before God and hear Him say that I spent any of my days without a deep satisfaction in Him.
Singleness in my late twenties is freedom and nearly always joyous. It's an ability to serve well and know sweet intimacy with the Lord. Jesus truly has become a friend as the moments alone have turned into years. (And even I know that alone is an illusion. Don't y'all worry.)
Singleness in my late twenties is also pain. It's closing the door on my friends and cleaning up alone. It's me killing every bug that I encounter if I don't have a friend over to convince to do it for me. ;) It's sprawling out on the floor and admitting it's hard. It's living a life without a human to submit to. It's hard to be a solo decision maker. It's honest words between tears to the One who wrote these beautiful days of my life. It's dispelling the myth that marriage is the most sanctifying experience anyone can have.
Singleness in my late twenties is the most unexpected thing I ever could have thought would happen to me. It's my favourite. It's my least favourite. It's pain and joy, sorrow and peace, love and loss. I serve a Saviour who spent His late twenties as a single, so I spend these days in the best Company.
All that to say, I look backward into the past and see a life the Lord has beautifully written. I'm grateful and honoured that He deemed me worthy to live more alone than together. I would not trade my past for a different version. And when I look forward, my heart is tuned to sing His grace. Whether the wedding that is my own is the one on the other side of Glory, that perfect feast, or a fun party down here, His will is worth being prayed for.
I guess the internet is a funny place to talk about being single. It's a bit scary, largely because nothing gets me unsolicited advice like posting about being single. But maybe you are single too and whether today is easy or hard, I'm journeying with you, oh fellow traveller.
I jotted some of these words down in early February and shared them on insta. They seemed to resonate with others and so I decided to share an updated and edited version of them here as well.