Here/Now/Ready

As an ENFP, a beginning is my favourite place to be. Give me ‘day one’ situations all day, all the days. You need me to stick to the end? I will find that difficult. I’m at times more at ease with a kind stranger than someone I have known for years. People often tell me that I settle into places quickly - but that is my sweet spot. Quick, dynamic, first impressions aren’t hard. I can make a friend on a bus. Though it is easier at a bus stop! And I can do it because I know it is just til the next stop.

2017 was a complicated year. It’s hard to explain, and much of the pain is the kind I wish I knew how to avoid, or knew how to push aside. I’m finding spaces to talk about it, so don’t you worry about me.

I am learning that as an Enneagram 7 —I am 97% sure that’s my type—that maybe my (adult) life-long mentality of only wanting to feel the good stuff and avoiding uncontrollable pain, well, maybe it is not a mentality that is serving me. Or that it is not the kind of mentality that allows me to follow God with every single bit of my effort. If I want to live every moment unto the Lord, then perhaps believing He actually is able to heal my pain instead of band-aid it, perhaps that belief is for now.

I wanted to put a stake in the ground, to raise a white flag to me some weeks ago (2017 me), a woman barely coping. I want to glance at her, grab her gaze, hug her tight, and remind her that seeking the Coming City ensures that no earthly home will ever satisfy. But that God does have good for us here too, and that He will hold onto her.

It is possible to grow, to change. It’s fun when it is realized much later. As in, I have known deep in me that following wherever God told me to go was in fact something I can do. Because I believe He is in me, with me, setting work in front of me to do.

This life: All to the glory of the very kind God, the one whom I know to be real.

God is here. God is now. God is ready. And by His extravagant grace, so am I!
 

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