the oldest I have ever been

Tomorrow I turn the oldest I’ve ever been. I turn 25.

Photos from community group this week. The girls made me brownies.

I’m really looking forward to it. When others are running around complaining about getting older, I’m sitting in my corner praying to simply be old. Something about being older always seem idealistic to me. Almost as if the older I get, the more together I’ll be. Right? Somebody tell me that someday I'll be more together please!

One theme I’ve been praying for the past two months specifically is one of belief. I’m reminded constantly of the verse that says “I believe. Help my unbelief”.

Back on the first of the year, I sat with friends and we wrote out our goals and resolutions for the year. I’m not one for goals, and I typically am not that resolved, so it was an odd thing to actually fall into the new year cliche of goal making.

One of my goals related to health and fitness. The goal was to exercise 1-3 times per week. Two months in, I hit 2 times pretty much every week. This week happened to be a 1 time week, but I fit in some nice walks so I figure maybe they counted. Don’t worry, I usually don’t count them. In case you were worried. In which case you shouldn’t be because worry isn’t a fruit of the spirit. Sooooo no more worrying.

Another was to maintain three friendships that I already have. I’m the queen of new. I love new. I get bored of things typically three months in. I feel as though I’m doing alright with this one. Two friends immediately come to mind as friends that I’ve been intentionally getting to know more, being more vulnerable with them, letting them be vulnerable with me. It might seem like a silly goal, but it was my best friend that suggested it. She’s seen my flaky friendship in action so she knew the need to push me on that one.

Amongst a pretty decent list of goals sat one other one that goes back to the I believe, help my unbelief statement I mentioned earlier. I wrote down: Believe that God loves me for me.

It’s been an interesting journey letting God teach me that He loves me. You can’t force yourself to believe in love but you can lean into the love until you realize you actually are leaning on something. God’s love is tangible and moving, active and real.

So 25? 25 is the year I walk in the knowledge that the Lord loves me. And it’s the year that I pray every single day that the Lord will keep teaching me to believe.

There’s a song by the band Love & The Outcome that says this world tells me believe what I can see. Lord won’t you help me believe what I believe.

That song, at least that line, is going to be a banner song for 25.

And in honour of my birthday tomorrow, I’m giving away a copy of the cd the song comes from.

Be sure to enter below! I hope you win.

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