for whatever reason

Approximately ten times or so, I've opened a draft to write a post like this one. I always get scared though, for whatever reason, and end up deleting my words and deciding that this isn't worth sharing. That it's unimportant, that it's silly, and that it won't resonate.

So today I'm buckling up my big girl belt, leaning down to type the words, and getting over my silly fears that one blog post will ruin my life.

It's actually pretty silly that this one is the one that scares me since it's actually kinda fun.

I wanted to take a minute to say thank you to all the people who stop in here. I really can't explain how encouraged I am by the comments, by the emails, and by the precious prayer requests that you all hand me.

Sometimes it's overwhelming for me when you come to me with big things, especially when they're so much bigger than me. Yet I serve the Jesus who came to deal with the big things, so yay, we're all in good hands.

I think my fear in not wanting to post this, is that sometimes I feel funny about the word "blog" and being a "blogger" because it's not something that people in my life do. It's my online thing, and it's very separate from my offline life. I don't necessarily mind the separation, but it's odd for me to acknowledge my blog in real life - which somehow translates it hard for me to write about my blog on my blog.

It's been just about a year since I started taking blogging seriously (and I know this because I got my bill for the domain this week), if that's what you cal what I do now, and it's been such a fruitful year for me. It's been one wrought with life struggles, hurts, and pains, but also filled to the brim with joy, big laughter, and much much much peace.

I blogged for years before I became serious, but this year has caused me to write with dedication. Writing here has brought healing to my lack of devotional life because now I have to look to Jesus. I wrote this over on Moriah's blog on Monday, but it kind of bears repeating:
I blog because it requires me to be disciplined. Not only in writing each day, but also to consistently be filling myself up with truth. If my desire is to point to Jesus in my writing, I have to be going to Jesus all the time in my everyday life. I love that my blog forces me to do just that.

A recent commenter told me that I have a blog that is sharing truth and life. She commented on my honesty, and I wrote this in reply to her:
It's sometimes scary to be this honest in such an open space (the internet), yet when I'm honest, it always resonates with others. We've all sinned and fallen short - that is the Gospel we believe, and we're freed in Jesus - the best part of the Gospel - so for me to act like I don't have a past is just silly.
Then, on Wednesday night at community group, a friend also commented on how I have an authentic vulnerability that shines through in everything I do.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that, since I'm not usually trying to be authentic (I guess I just am), but it was cool to hear that in both my online and offline life.

Anyway, awkward blog post aside, I'm truly grateful to have this space. I find it encouraging for my soul to write here because writing brings my heart to a place of worship.

Do you have a blog? Sometimes I get bummed when people comment but don't leave any way for me to contact them (outside of email which is okay too), so if you are a regular (funny word for a blog) around here, leave me a little note today sharing where you're coming from. I'd love to pop over to wherever you call home on the internet, and if you are one of my non-internet readers, well hi there too - please comment (it'll make me smile).

YAY! Okay awkward post finished!