stupid sin



I haven't spoken about fear as much as I used to.

Maybe because I thought, heavy emphasis on me thinking something but not demonstrating it, that I was okay.

I do that with a lot of things. 

Think I'm fine right until I'm crying and lying on the floor in my living room.  Some people cry in the shower, oh wait, I also do that, crap - but less often.

My big cries are when I'm flat on my face in the living room in tears over a hurt, more often in repentance of sin yet again, or when I'm petitioning a prayer for someone. Or they're late at night, curled up in my bed.

I thought I was doing okay at not fearing people.

Right until it took me MONTHS to write an email asking someone to do something super simple.
I'm talking suuuuuuuper simple. This kind of simple shouldn't take months.

Her response, filled with belly laughter and a respounding YES and an apology because she thought she'd already done it- made me burst into laughter.

Really loud laughter that sounded like tears because suddenly I was crying because the grace of God made me aware that yet again my sin was holding me back from authentic relationships.

Fear is sin.
And stupid.

    The fear of man lays a snare,
        but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.
(Proverbs 29:25 ESV)