(not) Influence(d)

What happens when you write a blog and you hear about an incredible conference?
Well, you look it up and you decide to go.

Until God says no - in the form of finances being too small to make it happen.

So you email the planners and see about sponsorship.
And they offer you suggestions and opportunities.
And you consider it.

And God says no - in the form of incredible unrest and zero peace about going to the conference.

So you pray and plead and almost cry about it.
Or at least that's what I did.

Back when influence was announced, I got so excited. I was sure that it was where I was meant to go. 

God kept saying no.
He kept saying wait.
He kept saying Nadine, trust ME!

I'm still not sure why He didn't let me go this year.
Scratch that, I do know. I know full well.



I could have gone. And I would have learned a lot of helpful things. I would have met Jesus (because Jesus always shows up when we ask Him to come) and I would have left so encouraged and uplifted and all that.


But sitting at home, watching tweet after tweet come by with the #influenceconf tag on it, I realized something.


Jesus was still with me here.


I could still learn at home.

AND He kept asking me when I was going to repent of jealousy.

I'd read the posts and get excited about what it said and then sad that I wasn't there.

I'd see yet another photo of smiling bloggers meeting, laughing, smiling, and building relations and I would look around and see nobody here.

So if Influence taught me one thing (and those tweets taught/encouraged me more than once), it was to always go to Jesus with my sin heavy soul and say "help".

Because He is faithful to help.

    As for me, I am poor and needy,
        but the Lord takes thought for me.
    You are my help and my deliverer;
        do not delay, O my God!
(Psalm 40:17 ESV)

He is faithful to help when I call upon His name.

And guess what?!? After a few prayers and conversations with Jesus to determine my motive and make sure He was on board with my plans, I bought my ticket for Influence Conference 2013. 

I'm so excited for less than a year from now.

Blogging is something that freaks me out. I question myself almost weekly. I feel funny when I tell people I'm a blogger because I never know what they'll say. 

Blogging is something that encourages me so much. I feel confident that I'm being faithful to a God who is more faithful than the sun always rising.

You realize that the sun always rises right? K cool.

In a year I'm going to hug a lot of friends. 
I'm going to talk to people who get why I say that blogging freaks me out and encourages me all at the same time.

Until then I'll keep reading, writing, commenting, video-chatting, and the like.

Blogging is crazy. It's odd. It's fun. I love it. I hate it. I'm sticking around.

Watch out #influenceconf - this girl is coming next year!