I have all evening to write tonight. Yesterday, all day while I worked, I thought up blog posts. I thought up so many ideas of things to write. 

This moment I have time - 
this moment the words are hard to come by.

Because each time I go to type, except for this time, I've felt distracted. 

Not by things, but by thoughts. I told my sister today that I feel like my thoughts lately have just been racing by - akin to a photo album being skipped through really quickly. 

I've been allowing myself to rest in anxiety. Isn't that awful? I agree. I had a slight reprieve last weekend when I was forced to be silent for a few hours during a day retreat with my church. 

In those couple hours of silence God spoke much peace to my soul.

I've allowed things to get loud again since then. I've let whispers of lies fill my ears and heart. Each time I've gone to Jesus to hand off my anxious thoughts He's quickly brought peace back to me.

I wonder sometimes if others have racing thoughts. I can only assume that they do (or that they don't). Anxiety is a new things for me - in fact I'm typically not even a worrier at all. I get stressed over circumstances sometimes but usually I can remain at least calm enough to deal with what's going on.

I've written before about my fear of man. I told someone about it the other day in passing and they thought I was afraid of men. Nope. Just everybody! Posts like this scare me and stretch me. Posts where I'm honest about the fact that this week was hard, that my tears have been dripping out more than usual, and that Jesus has had to carry me a lot more than I normally notice Him carry me.

So what does one do when lies are louder than truth, and fears are larger than trust? 

Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.
(Psalm 55:22 ESV)

This girl has been casting her cares away. I'm casting them away in each moment. The only times I'm not successful at casting them away is when I hold on to them. Gross.

I realized something beautiful this week one day as I was driving from job one to job two. When Jesus met some of the disciples, two of them dropped their nets and followed him. It made me think about what dropping nets would look like, and somehow got to thinking about casting away cares.

In the world we live in, fishing is probably most thought of as fly fishing (or what I envision - someone throwing/hoisting/aka-working-to-throw-their-fishing-rod into the water). However, in the times of Jesus, fishing looked like casting a net into the water - aka dropping a net into the water.

This realisation brought much peace to my soul as I realised that Jesus doesn't call me to hoist/throw/etc. my cares to Him. He calls me to drop them into the water. The water is living, it is life, and it is Him. The cares flow in His river of life. His loves surrounds my soul and brings peace.

Isn't that amazing? Wow. 

Did you think about it? I'm so accustomed to thinking about having to work to get things done that I somehow decided that it would take work for me to cast my cares away. Nope. I just need to drop them.

Rest in that with me tonight. Because I can't handle resting in anxiety anymore. I need to rest in Jesus.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
(1 Peter 5:6-11 ESV)

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
(Matthew 11:28 ESV)

Resting in restlessness is silly. I'm done with that. I choose to rest in Jesus.