I met with a lovely friend over coffee yesterday.
I shared the things I'm going through.
She spoke a lot of truth into my heart.
Something along the lines of:
Are you trying to fix yourself?
Made me realize something yesterday - something I've known for years but apparently forgot as of late.
Grace is not a DIY project. It's not a DO IT YOURSELF thing. In fact, it's nothing about "doing" or "self". It's about Jesus impacting our hearts. It's about Jesus taking our burdens and in His perfect time, working truth into our life so that we live in such a way that honours Him. Grace gives us what we don't deserve - salvation in Christ.
She reminded me that God loves who I am NOW not who I am once I fix everything.
I know that's so cliche. But lately God's bringing me back to the basics. Somewhere in the last few months, I got so caught up in the big stuff that I forgot about the core of my salvation.
That Jesus loves me.
Grace gets me every single stinking time.
This is what I picture when I think of myself trying to grace-ify myself:
Myself, holding a hammer, pushing nails into my head.
Jesus does grace a far different way.
I'm oh so grateful.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ESV)
This is my version of "giving up on good". I'm giving up doing it myself, because I never get anywhere when I do it myself. I just end up in tears, emotional, falling-apart, or even worse - self righteous in my heart. Gross!
Jesus is taking over this project, and loving me all the way through until the end. The end being - eternity WITH HIM!