A friend and I had just finished a quick little coffee date. In a busy week, we'd found 45 mins to chat and catch up.
She had shared. I had shared. Best friends know how to do both. Talk and listen, speak and be silent. That's friendship. Knowing which moment is which.
I had shared about how I had blogged about learning to pray "I shall not want" and how I was nervous I had posted it in such a way that sounded like I somehow knew what I was doing.
She is one of my closest friends who happens to know most well my "wants". She could probably list them off. She also knows the things that I don't want. The things I'm unsure of.
She is a friend who looks me in the eye when I'm believing lies and asks me why I just said something untrue.
We were walking to the cars, and I mentioned something I wanted to happen. Then I got frustrated and flustered because I'm not allowed to have wants anymore.
I felt like a failure.
I looked at her, and like many times before, mentioned the awful balance that neither of is seem to have learned of having hopes while trusting, of having hope for things but not in them.
She didn't frown at me for being a failure. She simply reminded me of grace.
Sometimes, if you're like me, you determine that you've learned something from God. You set out to live it out and then find that twenty minutes later you've forgotten.
There is grace for that.
There really is!
God doesn't look at us and say "YOU ARE AN IDIOT!"
He looks at us with love in His eyes. He looks at us, at those of us who have confessed our sins and claimed Jesus as our Lord, and He calls us His children.
One of my nieces is nearly two, and let me tell ya, she does dumb things. She's a baby! She's learning. She's doing things and trying things and mostly looks rediculous. It's hilarious.
But you know what?
I am so proud! She blinks at me funny and I'm excited for her. She gets four letters right in the ABC's and I'm grinning at her.
Because that's love.
Love looks upon the weak and accepts them as they are. Slowly teaching new songs and new words and new ways of living.
So I'm giving myself grace.
I'm mighty thankful for friends who remind me - usually in moments when I am most likely to feel stupid and shameful - that the grace of God is upon me.