Catching the gaze of my heart

I've been away more than usual lately and so have had to binge read my Jesus Calling devotional that sits beside my bed.

Normally I read it right before I attempt to drift to sleep, so last night after getting home from a weekend away, I sat for a few minutes to catch up. 

One line caught me off guard so I figured I'd share the entire thing here because, well, maybe your heart needs it too. 


"I am all around you, hovering over you even as you seek My face. I am nearer than you dare believe, closer than the air you breathe. If My children could only recognize My Presence, they would never feel lonely again. I know every thought before you think it, every word before you speak it. My Presence impinges on your innermost being. Can you see the absurdity of trying to hide anything from Me? You can easily deceive other people, and even yourself; but I read you like an open, large-print book." 

(Jesus Calling, Sarah Young - August 24.)  


It goes on, and like many other days, the words Young writes make me think of God in new ways 

Two quick thoughts on it:

1. That third sentence slayed me when I read it. How loneliness shows a heart that doesn't know the nearness of God. As a single, my hardest part of the day (though this is not true everyday since a lot of days I don't think about singleness at all) is when the day is done. I lie awake at night feeling a loneliness I've never known.

That's a lie. It's a loneliness that I do know. It doesn't monopolize every night of my life, but at certain times, my heart is tender and needy. 

Yet when I invite the Lord into those moments - tears on the pillow because I just want somebody to hold me and give me a perspective other than my own - He arrives. He was always there. The Spirit of God is not far. I'm grateful for that.

He listens to my fears as I list them, and His patience is far greater than any man I could ever marry. 

2. Similar to the first, that idea of God being near and available, is this next thought. God is not unaware of my secrets. Nothing is hidden from Him. 

I do not know anyone who knows everything about me. I hide things because that feels safest.  

Yet God knows. He knows the hidden places and He loves me even in my unwillingness to share. 

And when I do share, He catches the gaze of my heart and He does not look away. 

He does not fear what He sees. 

You need to hear that. Read that line again. God does not fear what He sees when He looks at you. So look at Him confidently. In Him you will find your freedom.  

He redeems me and calls me His own.

He gently tells me that it was absurd that I waited as long as I did to approach Him.  


These verses sum up all the rest of the things I could say now. 

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 

Psalm 139:1-5 ESV