A friend of mine, who recently was denied access at the border and therefore denied access to a six month internship she was heading to posted this the other day.
The post resonated with me, both because my life has not looked like I would like it to, and because I had just posted a link earlier that day to a post I wrote last year. I had instagrammed the image from that year ago post and shared some thoughts.
Below the picture I shared: I just looked back a year on my blog, to see what was happening. As I read the words, all I could think was "give it a year". It's amazing what a year can do to a life. This year is truly different. It's been filled with good changes and for the first time in a very long time, I'm looking at the future with joy in my heart. It IS okay if you're not okay because maybe, just maybe, in a year (or hopefully sooner), things WILL be okay.
As I read the post on a beautiful mess, I felt a sense of relief. I'm not one for looking back. It's both healthy and unhealthy I'm sure.
Regardless, I felt a freedom I hadn't felt. Since graduating high school, I've lived in Africa, gone to Bible college, worked as a server, gone to college for a medical job, and worked in the medical field.
Am I still in that field? No. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I had stayed in the field, but the 21 year old me didn't know that.
Amongst other things, I've worked reception at a finance office. I've checked groceries at Safeway. I've booked mammograms at a call centre and worked at an after school daycare centre. I've worked one on one with children with autism. I've worked front desk at an optometrist office. I've been a nanny.
In there, I've gone back to school and dropped out of school. I moved three times in 2010 and moved twice in the past six months.
This laundry list of my life has not gone as planned. I've been called flaky and have been told that I am not willing to commit. I've been encouraged to keep looking until I find myself and I've been encouraged to suck it up and just deal.
This life ain't one where I know what the future holds. And other than knowing if I ever get to be married (because it’d be nice to know if that’ll ever happen), the future isn't something I'm hoping to glance at.
I wrote "give it a year" because you never know what a year can bring. Life could go in any direction at any time. That's the beauty of life. Sometimes is a difficult beauty, like a caterpillar getting ready to go through metamorphosis. It's not a pretty process. And this is a cliche example. But eventually - butterfly.
I’m entering butterfly season I think. Things are changing, and I’m really excited.